Dating Over 50 The Hilarious Truths You Need to

Welcome back, folks, to the Jeff Adams Show, where life is stranger than fiction and fiction is still less ridiculous than online dating. Yes, that's right, your boys back on the apps, swiping, liking, and oh dodging landmines faster than a contestant on wipeout. Let's talk about some of these dating profiles, shall we? First of all, snapchat filters po Who invented these? Who decided we needed to turn human beings into magical woodland creatures with glistening eyes and sparkly cheeks? Like? Am I dating tinker Bell? Now I meet you in person? And suddenly your face isn't glowing like you're auditioning for Twilight. That's called false advertising. Okay, if I'm expecting a unicorn and you show up looking like ere, we've got a problem. We've got a And then oh, this is a classic. You've got the group photos. Why? Why every picture is you with four or five other people? What is this a scavenger hunt? I'm not here to play Guess who does she have glasses? A hat? No, well it must be the one hiding behind the plant. And let's be real, nine times out of ten, the person in the profile is the least attractive one in the group, and you know the rest of them, the cute ones not available, gone taken, probably already dating a guy who doesn't have to deal with this madness. Oh but wait, it gets better. You ever see the profiles with ultimatums in the bio. If you're not this, swipe left. If you like that, don't even bother lady, we haven't. Even met and you already hate me. Why are you on a dating app? Go write a Yelp review or something. And here's my personal favorite, the bio that probably declares I'm a control freak. Oh well great, I was just saying to myself, you know what I need in my life a micromanager who makes me feel like I'm at work twenty four to seven. Swipe left and send that one to HR. Then there's the timeless classic, the pictures from the ninetheen nineties. I'm talking grainy Kodak quality prom night glamour shots. Ma'am. If your profile picture features a butterfly clip and frosted lipstick, we need to have a serious talk. This is a dating app, not an episode of that nineties show. Update your photo. We're here for love. Not archaeology. But you know, I'm just getting started. It's a jungle out there, people, and today we're going to wade through it together. Of course, I'm not tackling this alone. Joining me, as always is the woman who keeps me sane. Alice, Hello, mister bumble, Alice. Baby, how are you better? Are you ready to break down the madness with me today? Or do I need to sign you up for an account too? Are you talking about your online dating madness? You're not speaking for everyone with your fifty something rants. I know, uh, just never thought I would be here in life, you know so, Alice, Today's topic dating over fifty, cold hard truths, and for once, let's leave out the obvious, like how I'm the most eligible bachelor in town, Jeff. Humility looks great on you, like that one suit you wear to weddings, rare but memorable. But seriously, isn't dating over fifty like trying to find a good avocado? Oh? It's worse. By the time you open it, you realize it's either too hard or way past its pome. So what's the first cold hard truth we're serving today? Baggage and not the cute, little carryon kind either we're talking oversized wheels squeaking through the airport kind. Hey, everyone's got baggage. The trick is finding someone who's baggage doesn't require a therapist and. A forklift or a return label. So are you saying my past relationships are like those airline mistakes where they send your luggage to Alaska. I'd say more like left at the baggage claim waiting for someone to pick them up. Ouch, but fair. Truth Number two, everyone's dating profile lies. Oh the old current photo trick. Ever met someone whose profile picture was a headshot from nineteen ninety five. It's like playing a game of guess who. You walk into the cafe looking for someone who looks like George Clooney and it's George from Accounting. My favorite is the group photo. Four people in the picture and you're praying it's not the woman with the mullet. And spoiler alert, it's always the woman with the mullet. What I thought mullets were back in style on. Some people, Jeff. But let's talk about emotional readiness. Truth number three. Nobody wants to be the rebound. So you're saying, I need to get over my breakup with that pizza I dropped in twenty eighteen. Jeff, that was a tragedy, but it's time to move on. Also, nobody wants to hear about your ex on a first date. What if I casually mentioned that I'm on good terms with my. Ex dog only if you let me meet the dog first? Fair? But what about travel bragging? Truth number four? Nobody cares about your epic backpacking trip through Europe in nineteen eighty three. Exactly, keep it relevant. No one wants to hear your eat pray love story if it ends with you losing your passport in Italy. Wait, how'd you know about that? Lucky guess? But let's move on to truth number five. The sleep compatibility question too soon for a first. Date depends are you offering a sleepover already? Strictly for scientific research? Jeff, Science never sleeps, Alice, Science never. Sleeps, and neither does the importance of communication. Truth number six over fifty. You don't have time for games, be honest. So I shouldn't play hard to get. Jeff at our age. If someone's playing hard to get, it's usually because they forgot their reading. Glasses or they're stuck in traffic. Exactly, We've got a value time, no endless texting. If you want to meet, just say it. So you're saying I should skip the good morning texts. Only if they're followed by let's grab coffee. This week, and if I promise to not talk about my ex. Dog, then you might just have a chance. So to all our. Over fifty daters out there, remember honesty, no photos, and for the love of romance, no travel bragging. And if all else fails, just make sure you're emotionally ready and don't hog the covers. Science research, sleepover, Alice. Let's start with coffee, Jeff, one step at a time. Make sure you subscribe and give us a rating. Love you guys. Hey, if you see me and you use a Snapchat filter on your pictures, please swipe left.